In this video I read two OkCupid messages; one good, one not-so-good;
23 y/o in Atlanta writes:
Hey Gorgeous I’m gone be totally honest with you Im looking for a lady I can cuddle with, go out on dates, and make love too. I’m a pretty chill. I hate small talk so listen Im going to be straight up with you. I want to treat you like a queen and to fuck you and satisfy your body. I’m very handsome and I got a good head on me. I don’t have any kids or baby mama drama either. Im very laid back and open. I love to have fun and I have a amazing personality. Also I’m probably one of the biggest freaks you will ever meet. I am very loyal, intelligent, spontaneous, and Freaky. So if you’re interested give me a shot.
What’s wrong with this message?
- Too forward! Can’t say “I wanna fuck you” without me saying “hi” first. You run the risk of making a woman feel desperate if she responds.
- Baby momma drama? Why raise the issue if it’s not a problem? If anything it raises a red flag.
- Calling himself ‘intelligent’, ‘handsome’, and having an ‘amazing personality’ are all attributes that can and should be demonstrated by example.
- Grammar and spelling mistakes galore.
50 y/o in Petaluma, CA writes:
Ms. Berning, I do believe you own the x in sexy. Jesus. And I’m not giving too much credit for that to your fabulous eye for photography and ability to capture the spirit. I think you just own it, period. I have to tell you my mind has wandered. I’d like to be the “e”. Or the “y”. Both actually. And that’s just before breakfast.
Ok, enough monkey business out of me. Here’s what else I like. You never owned a TV. You have skills, and have created a super cool and helpful business. You hate the asshole in charge. You keep yourself in damn healthy shape. Chet Faker. Yes.
Thanks for waking me up tonight, just before I go to bed.
Oh, I almost forgot something kinda important. I want to take you out. On a date. Soon. If that peaks your interest at all, I’ll take care of the rest. I have the next 2 days off, and a freshly-tuned motorbike. Helmet included, if you like that sorta thing. Just sayin’.
What’s right with this message?
- Referenced my profile.
- Included a compelling call-to-action.
- Punctuation style makes him sound confident.
Thanks for reading! For more message critiques, subscribe to Right Swipe Pics’ YouTube Channel.
RightSwipePics.com does lifestyle photography for dating profiles and social media. Tested and shown to *more than double* matches on Tinder and vastly improve response rates. RightSwipePics.com currently serves South Florida, NYC, Houston, Austin, Dallas, and San Francisco. To book your photo session or for more information, visit www.rightswipepics.com.